What Everybody Must Learn About Young Women Who Like Older Men

What Everybody Must Learn About Young Women Who Like Older Men

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Ask a Boss: Should I Try to Act Older at Work?

Dear Boss,

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I want to ask about workplace etiquette relating to a person’s age.

I work in digital media and have done well for myself in my career. I was so taken aback that I gave the truthful answer (30), but regretted answering the dilemma quickly. For the rest of the session, I had the feeling that I was suddenly an amusement and not taken seriously because I was at least a decade younger than the remainder of the group and they experienced all lumped me in that broad, nebulous, and maligned category of “millennial.” Recently, I was attending a conference with my boss and presenting on a project to a class of his peers from other companies when one of them interrupted me in the middle of my presentation and asked how old I had been.

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I am now incredibly self-conscious because We’m aware that I look younger than We am. I have never dressed unprofessionally or bepossessd inappropriately at work and I now take great pains to try and be that much more professional in the way I put myself out there, to the point where it’s a bit exhausting and others have noticed my stone-cold dead-seriousness as of late. But regardless, isn’t it inappropriate to ask someone their age in a professional setting? And what should I have answered to deflect from the irrelevant question instead?

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In talking with other female friends my age, several mentioned that they possess suffered something equivalent as well, and we’re uncertain whether it’s an age thing, gender thing, or a bit of both. Year This, I method to begin searching for work a phase from where I are right now up, but I am worried the “looks too young” issue will continue to haunt me and cause people to not take me seriously as I try advance professionally in the near future. I would love to hear your thoughts. It’s not like I in the morning 22 and straight out of college.

Yes, it’s inappropriate to ask someone their age in a professional context.

That becomes especially clear if you imagine asking it of someone near retirement age. This will be a query that men and women place to little folks, or to people who look young, because the subtext is, Oh my goodness, you’re a baby just! But of course, men and women don’t do that.

For what it’s worth, just about all people who ask your age wear’t intend to be condescending probably. They possibly suggest it to become free of charge - as in Frequently, “You’re also outstanding for getting completed thus many in your profession previously.” On the other hand, that guy who interrupted your presentation to ask how old you were? That’s like announcing, “I’michael wondering your power and reliability depending on your look, and the want is felt by me to announce it to everyone.” He was rude.

But regardless of whether people mean it rudely or not, being asked your age at work can be undermining as hell. and youth tends to go hand in hand with inexperience, and that’s rarely a good thing to inject into the impression you’re trying to make professionally. Of pondering about your abilities and your triumphs Alternatively, now we’re thinking about your youth …

So, what might you conduct if someone asks you your age group in a ongoing job wording? And in some contexts, you can reply with perhaps, “Why do you ask? Thereforeme people swear by deflections like “I’ve stopped counting, ” “previous plenty of to recognize definitely not to response that concern,” or “83.” Few people are going to keep pushing after that, because they’ll seem irritating for not necessarily seeing and improving a new polite evasion. ”

But I think there’s an argument not to play coy about it, and instead just to demonstrate that you don’t consider your age is a Thing: “We’m 30.” Say it confidently, and transfer again to the subject in the side next, 1 where you can devastate the bedroom with your proficiency preferably. If you act like it’s obviously a nonissue, a complete great deal of people will have their cues from you.

That said, since it’s on your mind and you feel like it’s coming up as an issue, it wouldn’t hurt to give some thought to how you present yourself. (At the same time, though, don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t know something; not only is that a good practice generally, but it will actually will produce you seem even more comfortable and protect.) Some language, mannerisms, and ways of speaking can read as younger and less capable. If you frequently audio cautious or doubtful - for instance, regularly ending sentences with a question in your voice when you don’t really intend to be posing a question - people may assume that you don’t know what you’re doing. So make sure that you’re communicating with confidence, and that you’re comfortable sounding - and being - resolute.

Other gravitas-builders: Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault (a hallmark of young women, in particular). Look at out for young-reading mannerisms like enjoying with your head of hair or slouching. And some of the old-school business advice that might sound cheesy to you can actually be pretty effective for helping to project gravitas - for example, cultivate a firm handshake (really! people are influenced by it), introduce yourself with your full name (if it makes you feel old, that’s the idea), and sit down near the mind of the desk in appointments.

Think, too, about the physical image you’re putting out. Annoyingly, longer hair often reads as young (at least unless you put it up), so factor that in, also. If you look polished and carry yourself with poise, that can counteract a young face. The same thing goes for wearing well-tailored clothes, dressing more up than down (a suit will give you more gravitas than a pair of jeans), selecting clothes and gadgets that happen to be common instead than fashionable, and keeping makeup more natural than edgy.

You can also try paying attention to women you know who project gravitas and command respect - whether they’re older than you or not. You don’d desire to imitate anyone or get on mannerisms or designs that don’p come to feel like you, but paying attention to what does and doesn’t help people get taken seriously can help you work out whether there’s anything you want to do differently. And if you have a particular rapport with any of them, you might possibly clarify what you’re grappling with and request for tips.

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All that said … If you’re good at your job, once people see that, your age will be moving to really rapidly fade into the history. Really, the most important thing is the quality of work you do and how you operate professionally. you also don’t need to force yourself into some mold of “professional businesswoman” in order to succeed, at least not in most fields. It makes sense to give some thought to how you’re presenting yourself, specifically since the era will besue can be bugging you, but this is more about helping you feel more comfortable than it’s about helping other people come to terms with the fact that, eeeek, there’s a youngwill beh woman in their midst. I know that sounds like it’s a trite platitude, but in most work settings, it’s really true.

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